a tree once cut down (andyandmicaulyk) wrote,
a tree once cut down

i guess i use this as a tool for whenever i feel like complaining or ranting helplessly about how things change. so,.
i've been feeling something sick for the past few days, nothing more than the sniffing/ear-popping/coughing/nose-blowing style. but not being able to pop my ears is such a bad feeling to me. i feel so trapped without being allowed this. and it's especially taxing when i'm trying to fall asleep. on that note, i overdosed on cvs brand liquid nyquill last night and i slept like a normal person. so i did that again a few minutes ago. so i guess i'll see about that.
i imagine this happens to everyone, or at least most, but i feel like i get to a point where i don't know how to deal with anything. where i get confused by anything that happens. any conversation, any class, any snow day, any time i wake up, any decision i make, any decision i don't make, any dream, any television show/movie's corrilation with my own life, any detail of anything. everything seems a bit much to always consider. i think i need someone to tell me that i'm doing the right thing. i don't usually find that i need this sort of reassurance at all, but i also don't really think that i hear it that often. which is why sometimes i don't know if i am. or why i usually just assume that i'm not. and i know, i know: "just do what you feel" or "forget what anyone else says or thinks, as long as you're doing what you want right now", but i lie to myself constantly, so how can i trust what i really "want" to do, or what i "feel". we're all supposed to be Buddha and Allah and Jesus and Krishna, and maybe we are, i don't know, maybe that's why decisions have to be lived with and things can't be pushed under the carpet because no matter where they physically or metaphorically go, they don't go anywhere.
also, i'll never do it. i can't. i'm not an actor.
i guess we'll be alright. once we figure it out. i don't know, maybe we won't.
i think the 'quill's kicking in.
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